I have three career goals that some have called outlandish:
1. To star in a Muppet Movie,
2. To host Saturday Night Live, and
3. To star as the ingénue in a big budget horror movie

(See? I don’t need an Oscar or an Emmy to be happy!)

You see, I just booked the part of the love interest “Jill” in Kenneth Brown’s new short film. Today I auditioned for a totally different short film, but also for the part of the love interest named “Jill”.

I start filming the part of Jill #1 this Saturday. For the part of Jill #2, I have my fingers crossed. I feel that I had a good audition, so now I just have to wait and see if I book it.

You’re running at a hundred miles
Flashing that million-dollar smile
And everybody turns to stone when they see that you’re alone…
-opening lyrics to “Sweet Lady” by What Made Milwaukee Famous

I think I first wanted braces when Jennifer Stogdill got them in the third grade. Jennifer was the epitome of coolness at Brown Elementary School. Her clothes always matched, her shoe laces always stayed tied, and my third grade teacher once cut a math lesson short so that we could watch a VHS tape of the Sears commercial that Jennifer starred in.

When she got glasses, I borrowed my Grandma’s extra pair, and I wore them to school. When I heard she was going to be a cheerleader for Halloween, I had my Grandma glue large white triangles to a purple cotton skirt that I had so that I could be a cheerleader for Halloween, too. So when she got braces, I made fake braces out of colored paper clips and rubber bands.

By my sophomore year of high school, I had long ago stopped emulating Jennifer, but I was immersed in modeling and pageants, so I knew that my crooked teeth put me at a slight disadvantage. My town didn’t have an orthodontist, so when I got my driver’s license and was able to drive myself to the orthodontist in the next town over, my grandparents finally gave in to my begging on my 17th birthday.

Fast forward to my sophomore year of college. My braces had been off for not quite six months when I lost my retainers on the subway in Washington DC. Call me naive, but I honestly thought that since they were in a case with my name and address on them, someone would mail them back to me.

I waited. And waited. And waited some more. Not wanting to tell my family that I had made such a dumb mistake, I let life go by. Eventually, my teeth migrated back to where they were. After getting my wisdom teeth removed, my teeth got even more rebellious. On top of that, my jaw had started clicking loudly when I chewed and a few times a day, my jaw would lock. I needed braces again, this time more than ever.

I was once told that I could not be Pocahontas at Disney World because of my crooked teeth. A casting director once told me that I would book more commercials if I got some teeth work done. When I don’t get cast in projects, I always try to see who got the part over me to see if her teeth are perfect. I’ll admit that since becoming a working actor/ model, it’s become a slight obsession.

Imagine my joy when for my most recent birthday Honeybun gave me the down payment for Invisalign (the clear braces). My first aligner came today, and I am incredibly excited! Coupled with a jaw surgery (in one year) and then six months of regular/ bracket braces, I think I’ll have commercial-worthy teeth. At the very least, I can be a Disney World Pocahontas if on the off chance I have move to Orlando again. Right?

Eventually, I would like this website to run the gamut between my acting/ auditioning stories, my forays into writing, original YouTube/ FunnyorDie type videos, food, and fashion. Starting immediately, I’d like to do at least one entry per day and one video per week. In the next month, I’d like to showcase more of my original photography. (I just got a brand spankin’ new HP Photosmart scanner. Woo-hoo!).

I sincerely appreciate my friends and family (and strangers?) who have made the leap with me from my old Blogger address. Keep tuning in. Things are going to start to get very interesting. Exciting news: A few folks have requested the return of “This Video Blog Will Change Your Life” so watch this space for the next installment in the next couple of weeks. I would, seriously, like to do the entire book (and maybe the sequels, too?). In the meantime, I leave you with the original video from over a year ago (please disregard my fat face and my messy apartment):

This week, it was a Karta mini dress, marked for only $26.00. The person who sold this to Buffalo Exchange is an idiot. Sellers only get 25% cash of the marked price. This means she got a measly $6.50 for this fun dress. These dresses are going for $200+ on eBay, and this exact dress is at Neiman Marcus right now for $362.00.

Thusly, I am declaring this dress my Treasure of the Week! I wore it to my children’s theater appreciation dinner last night and was complemented right and left. At $362.00 it is a bit overpriced for a Polyester dress, but at $26.00 it’s a steal for a designer frock. I adore the vintage ’60’s feel and yellow is one of my power colors.

I don’t usually blog or talk about any big projects that I’m a part of that are still in pre-production. (I write about them after they come out). It’s a tricky situation, but I try to avoid any possibility that I am crossing any unspoken or explicit confidentiality agreement. Right now all I have in addition to my talent is my staunch professionalism, so I got to keep that in tact.

But can I just say that Jennifer Coolidge is freaking hilarious? Out of all the people on set, I was most excited to see her. In my opinion, she is one of the strongest character/ comedic actresses currently working in Hollywood. I adore her in all the Christopher Guest movies. Because of her strong ties to improv (she used to be a member of The Groundlings), I knew I would learn a lot from watching her work. She did not disappoint. Every word out of her mouth was comedic gold, and I realized that as soon as my play wraps, I should take another round of improv classes and think about joining a troupe.

Yes, take her to BBQ’s, church potlucks, and graduation parties, and you’ll be the talk of the soirée.

I made Melon Girl for Honeybun to take to a BBQ tonight and apparently she was a huge hit. So, now, let me tell you how you can create your own Melon Girl.

You will need the following tools:

• one large, Psycho-like knife
• one small pairing knife or a small knife with serrated edges
• one giant metal spoon
• one giant bowl
• one not-so giant bowl
• one melon baller
• some toothpicks or wooden kabob sticks
• an ink pen
• a cutting board
• a plate

You will need the following ingredients:

• a large watermelon with at least one good looking side
• two cantaloupes
• a honeydew
• other fruit (optional)
• lemon juice (optional)
• fresh, chopped mint leaves (optional)

Directions:

1. Using your Psycho-like knife, carefully cut a half inch sliver off the bottom on your watermelon to make it sit flat (Melon Girl does not like to roll around). Set this aside for later.
2. Using the same Psycho-like knife, lob off the top 1/4 of the watermelon. Set this aside for later.
3. Using the smaller knife, cut around the circumference between the rind (the white part) and the pink, fruit part.
4. Using your giant metal spoon, scoop out the fruit and place it in the giant bowl.
5. After the fruit is removed, use the metal spoon to scrape the inside smooth (like the inside of a jack-o-lantern).
6. Use the ink pen to draw/ scratch the outline Melon Girl’s facial features.
7. Using the small knife, cut her face out. Trim down the scraps from her eyes to make the eye balls.
8. Use a toothpick stabbed through the white part to attach the eye balls to the eye sockets.
9. If you’re feeling really creative, cut a flower or star out from the piece of watermelon you cut off the bottom. Use a toothpick to attach the flower to Melon Girl’s head. Leave part of the toothpick exposed for later.
10. Carefully place Melon Girl upside down on a plate to drain.
11. Using the smallest side of the melon baller, make melon balls from the watermelon. Don’t forget to use the fruit from the top of the watermelon, too. Put these melon balls into the smaller bowl.
12. Cut the cantaloupes and honeydew in half, scrape out and discard the seeds, and make more melon balls, adding them to the smaller bowl, too.
13. Carefully mix up the melon balls. If you want, you can add some lemon juice and chopped, fresh mint and other fruit.
14. Using the small knife, poke a dime sized hole in the bottom of Melon Girl. This is for drainage, so the fruit juice doesn’t pool up in the bottom of Melon Girl. From here on, though, she needs to stay on a plate.
15. Fill Melon Girl with the melon balls. Put the remaining balls on the plate.
16. Using one melon ball, cover up the exposed part of the toothpick on the Melon Girl’s head flower.
17. Take her to your party with the giant spoon, and enjoy the attention you both get.

I have mixed feelings about extra work. When I first moved to Austin, I was thrilled to be working as a recurring featured extra on NBC’s Friday Night Lights. It was steady work, it paid decent, and to be honest? I didn’t have an agent in Austin, and I was grateful to be given that opportunity.

But as time wore on, I started booking lead and supporting roles in other, smaller projects. In these projects I was actually able to utilize the concepts I had been learning in acting class, and I felt challenged and rewarded. A lot of the time, when you’re doing extra work, you’re just walking back and forth from point A to point B. No talent needed.

On the other hand, if I don’t have any other projects booked, doing extra work is like being paid to take acting class, especially if you are in small scenes with principle actors. I have learned so much from being on set and getting familiar with how a production works and how the lead actors treat their material. On top of that, any time you’re on set, it’s a great networking opportunity.

I loved being a part of Friday Night Lights. I have not yet decided if I will go back for season three, which starts production again this fall.

In the meantime, I have typically, passed up extra work. I have decided that I will continue to do so unless the following occurs:

1. my agent personally calls or emails me to request that I do it (I pretty much do whatever they tell me to do!),
2. I’ll be in a small scene, and
3. I’ll get to see someone who I admire work.

VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: Excuse me, ma’am? Is there milk in this?
ME: Well, there’s coconut milk…
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: I thought I told you? I’m a vegan.
ME: Yeah?
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: So, like, that means I don’t eat meat or cheese or drink milk.
ME: Uh-huh?
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: So, there’s like milk in this.
ME: Well, it’s coconut milk…
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: Yeah? I’m a VEGAN.
ME: The milk is from a coconut.
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: But it’s milk, right?
ME: I guess?
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: I’m a VEGAN. You’re going to have to take this drink back and bring me a margarita, instead.
ME: (huge sigh) Okay. Hey, since I’m here, are you ready to order?
VEGAN VALLEY GIRL: Yes. So like, I’ll have two fish tacos. But like no sour cream or cheese, okay?

I think when that happened, I was actually serving the future version on myself. My future self went back in time five years to tell my current self that vegans are annoying.

Two days ago, mainly for health reasons, I become a vegan. Earlier this year, I gave up meat and dairy for Lent, and after the 40 days, I felt fantastic. My body felt leaner and lighter, I had more energy, and everything seemed in order intestines-wise (Whoa! Was that too much information?). But boy did I miss the cheese! So immediately after the 40 days, I started eating cheese again.

Perhaps after being without it for over a month my body is like “WTF is this?”. My body just can’t handle it, so after much deliberation, I have decided to try to become a vegan for good.

I was feeling pretty pleased with my resolve until I heard myself say the following to my server tonight: “I want veggie tacos, but like no sour cream or cheese, okay? I’m a VEGAN.”

Augh! I have become Annoying Vegan Valley Girl! What is up with vegans? We’re like people who don’t watch cable. We’re always bragging about it, but really, it just makes us seem like we have some sort of superiority complex. Telling people that you’re a vegan is like wearing a t-shirt that says “I THINK I’M BETTER THAN YOU!”

Why can’t we just keep our veggie encrusted mouths to ourselves?

I fear that all vegans are like this, and I am now one of them. It’s almost enough to make me want to gobble down a Meat Lovers Deep Dish pizza from Dominoes.

I’m sorry it took me so long, but Blogger and I had history. I met him in college and not being as ‘net savvy as I am now, he seemed like the best choice. Lo and behold, though. I am learning that you are not as complicated as I thought you were. In fact, unlike Blogger, our new relationship seems drama- free.

Eight years is a really long time to be with someone, you know? But as the years went by, it kept getting harder and harder to stay with him. He was unwilling to change. He was incompatible with my host server. And truthfully? He had let himself go. I found that I just wasn’t attracted to him anymore.

Everyone kept telling me that you were the one I should be with. Their voices only got louder and more insistent after Blogger flew into a blind rage one day and decided to throw out all the comments people had left me. Truth be told, I should have left him back in 2004 after he barred me from logging into my own account when I got a little too much attention for breaking the news about the Ashlee Simpson Lip-Syncing Disaster of 2004.

WordPress, I believe it will be different with you. You make me want to blog again. You’re so welcoming and accommodating, and dare I say it? You are stunningly attractive!

So here I am, WordPress, pouring my heart out to you on this balmy May evening. I promise to interact with you as much as I can, so long as you promise not to “accidentally lose my entries in a database sever error” or delete all my friends’ comments. WordPress, I’m all yours. Blogger and I are through. This time for good.

Love,
Indiana